MOVIE REVIEW

It's pretty much all nonsense, but 'Mutant Chronicles' is based on a game -- so just play along. That's when the fun begins.

By Michael Ordoña

"Mutant Chronicles" has in its massive meat grinder something from everywhere. Based on a role-playing game, it's a gleefully dunderheaded purée of "300," "All Quiet on the Western Front" and "Starship Troopers," among others, with a tasty glaze of "Top Secret!"

The plot is some nonsense about a reawakened space machine that turns humans into mutants. This Earth is ruled by giant, warring corporations (the Asian one is called Mishima!); represented by their most nihilistic warriors, they must unite against the common enemy. Thomas Jane, as the de facto American, remains a serviceable action hero; Ron Perlman, as a blond monk, sometimes has a brogue; the others make for a drinking game, guessing who dies next.

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To enjoy "Mutant Chronicles," don't think. In its "logic," humans have spaceships but still engage in WWI-style trench warfare. However, amusing idiocy doesn't preclude imagination. Some matte paintings have the sharp, clear lines of Moebius -- as if the film springs from the comic-book pages of Heavy Metal but without the sex.

The whole exercise looks shot against a green screen à la "300" (oh, Zack Snyder, what hath thou wrought?) but without the convincing scope. Instead, it relies on eye-strainingly dim lighting to disguise the lack of scenery. It feels claustrophobic to start, and then the action moves underground.

There are broadswords and bullets and white phosphorus guns making mincemeat of mutants, and that's not something you see every day, is it? As the poet said, turn off your mind, relax and float downstream.

Ignore the fact that John Malkovich looks like he worked maybe a day on this one during a layover. Ignore the fact that the good guys' superweapon is suspiciously reminiscent of Monty Python's Holy Hand Grenade.

It's photogenic people killing mutants before green screens; what more could you ask?

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