WEB NOTEBOOK

Network executives and celebrities gather in Manhattan this week, making their best pitch to advertisers about the new 2005-06 season in an annual ritual known as the “upfront.” Times reporters are filing the latest updates about prime-time shows, flashy presentations and parties here.

Arresting one's development

May 19, 9:45 p.m. EDT

There were chocolate martinis and something with vodka and blue curacao called a "Blue Fox" at this last big upfront event, the Fox party, and the mood was giddy and ebullient and overheated - literally.

"It's about 600 degrees in here," joked the president and chief operating officer of Fox parent News Corp., Peter Chernin, as he mingled in the big white tent near the Central Park Boathouse where ad buyers had lined up for their requisite celebrity pictures.

No matter. The line to get a picture with the cast of "Arrested Development" - the cult comedy about the dysfunctional real estate people with the frozen banana stand in Orange County - was, no kidding, about 30 deep.

At one point, so many star-struck, sweat-soaked, twentysomething ad buyers were stacked on the platform with the seven cast members that one (of the ad buyers) stumbled on the platform.

"Somebody needs to be cut off," joked Will Arnett, who plays George 'Gob' Bluth II. "I hope you're not driving."

Off to one side, Jessica Walter, who plays the cheerily corrupt mother, checked her watch.

But make no mistake. They were all glad to be there. Everyone was. This was the last night of a long week on which billions of dollars in advertising commitments depended. And this was a big year for Fox, which hit No. 1 in the key demographics for the first time in the history of the network and, with "American Idol," also scored the nation's No. 1 show.

Earlier in the day, at the network's presentation to advertisers, both the network and the people who bought the commercials received a long and clearly heartfelt thank you from "24" star Kiefer Sutherland.

Later, outside the party, four high-ranking executive ad buyers were overheard saying, "Let's go see Kiefer!" Whereupon they took a deep breath and entered the sweltering tent.

Sightings: John Walsh, host of Fox stalwart "America's Most Wanted," making conversation in a leather jacket . . . Jane Kaczmarek, the mom from "Malcolm in the Middle," schmoozing with fans . . . Jason Bateman of "Arrested Development" playfully whacking his co-star Arnett in a delicate part of his anatomy just as a fan snapped a cast picture, so that Arnett's mouth flew open and his eyes popped . . . your correspondents, Blue Foxes in hand, signing off.

- Shawn Hubler, with dispatches from Amy Wallace and Meg James in New York.



Ballistic — yet restrained

May 19, 6:35 p.m. EDT

Fox's presentation opened with a clap of thunder and cloud of smoke and shooting green lasers. Could it be . . . yet another Bruckheimer!?

No. Just the show's "Star Wars" theme, which involved a video spoof featuring a Fox exec taking on the evil Darth Moonves. (Oooh. Corporate dis.)

A cavalcade of Fox stars, gathered at the New York City Center Theater, then paraded onstage, led by Kiefer Sutherland of "24" (aka the hardest workin' man in the federal government, Jack Bauer), and lined up under a big screen.

"May the Fox be with you," it said.

But the message from new Fox Entertainment President Peter Liguori - who came from FX and has had the job for about two weeks - was "restraint." Not quite the word on which Fox has built its empire.

"Clearly, Idol is the most popular family television event in over a decade," he said, paying ultimate showbiz homage to, yes, "American Idol," by using only one part of the show's name. And, he noted, Fox was No. 1 last year among 18-to-49-year-old viewers for the first time in the network's 19-year history.

But Fox had a lot of reality last year and Liguori said he didn't want to load this year's schedule with several cycles of one show. Then last year's Idol, Fantasia, took the stage and belted out a tune with a gospel choir. The crowd went wild.

Ba-da-bing: Ryan Seacrest and the Idol judges then came onstage for a little "Idol" banter.

Seacrest to Paula Abdul: "Paula, as you look at this year, what has been unique in your mind?"

Tittering in the crowd. Long pause. Awkward smile from Abdul.

"Moving swiftly on," Simon Cowell suggested.

"Things have been pretty much boring," Abdul tried.

Bottom line: A spoof video of Liguori's first day in his new job had Tom Arnold stalking him with bad show pitches and Peter Gallagher (Sandy Cohen on "The O.C.") giving him eyebrow grooming tips.

"I'm the new network president - can I get my own parking space?" Liguori asks the guard at the gate.

Replies the guard: "We'll see after November sweeps."

- Shawn Hubler, with dispatches from Matea Gold in New York.



Chris Rock at UPN upfront: "White man out, black man in. See how it works?"

May 19, 1:35 p.m. EDT

Be afraid, "Joey." Be very afraid. UPN will be getting up in NBC's face on Thursdays with a pretty funny new Chris Rock sitcom, "Everybody Hates Chris."

The clips they showed at their upfront presentation today at Madison Square Garden had advertisers splitting their sides with laughter. (Well, all except Jude Law's cousin, who was in the third row — kidding! Made ya look, though!)

Actually, UPN is touting Rock's show like the second coming (or maybe it's the third now, we haven't been following "Revelations"). "It's hard to grasp the importance of this night and the bold step we're about to take," said UPN President Dawn Ostroff, saying the show could do for UPN what "The Cosby Show" did for NBC.

Or, as Rock — who came onstage to tout the show — put it: " 'Everybody Loves Raymond', 'Everybody Hates Chris.' White man out, black man in. See how it works?"

Where the Girls Are: Actually, UPN's sub-gig — after being a youth network — is being the network that young girls like to watch. It's the home of Britney Spears' new reality show and "America's Next Top Model"; Ostroff came onstage with a big yellow snake draped around her neck like a Britney boa. (And if that's not being a corporate team player, people, we don't know what is.)

But UPN's mission this week is to let advertisers know it isn't just sitting on its assets. And who better to send that message, it appeared, than ... 13 models and Tyra Banks!

Actually, this is the second year in a row now that Tyra has been in the house. Last year, admen were lined up around the block to get her autograph. Spears was not on hand. Neither was Denise Richards, who'll be in UPN's new "Sex, Lies & Secrets" a twentysomething drama. (Both are pregnant; Richards is known in the tabloid world as Charlie Sheen's ex.) By the way, Richards' new show is "set in the small, hip neighborhood of Silver Lake," according to the UPN press packet. (This is how you know the Silver Lake scene is officially over.)

But wait! Here was J-Lo! Promoting "South Beach," the first pilot of her new production company. It's a show about Miami's hot neighborhood, Ostroff said, and "who knows that world better than executive producer Jennifer Lopez?"

Um, isn't she from the Bronx?

Canceled: The Taye Diggs show, "Kevin Hill," which Ostroff said struggled creatively.

Overheard: "I watched Britney's new show the other night and I feel dumber for it." — Media buyer dishing in the audience to her friend.

— Shawn Hubler, with dispatches from Maria Elena Fernandez and Matea Gold in New York



Fox maxes out on reality. Plus, no Monday night reruns!

May 19, 10:40 a.m. EDT

Peter Liguori, the new Fox entertainment chief who came out of FX (home of "The Shield," "Nip/Tuck," "Rescue Me" — basically, the hot cable shows last season), met the press this morning and said Fox will launch seven new shows this year. With scripts.

Last fall, Fox aired more hours of reality than any other network, with not-so-great results. Liguori said he is not exactly moving away from reality, and there'll be a lot of it on the Saturday night lineup; it's just that these scripted shows were his best stuff.

Which is good news, because he also said he couldn't say when that investigation into and her alleged diddling of that dewy-eyed "American Idol" contestant would end.

Also, consider yourself warned. And so far only Fox has claimed it will do this, but there will be no repeats aired of any show on its big Monday night schedule, Liguori said.

The funny-yet-under-watched "Arrested Development" will be back (why, oh why, won't you watch it?!) — at a new time slot, 8 p.m. — out from under "The Simpsons." Then the new "Kitchen Confidential," a comedy about a debauched chef, based on the tell-all memoir of Anthony Bourdain. Then Fox's new drama "Prison Break," about brothers behind bars who'll keep trying to make a break for it, will run uninterrupted from August to January.

Then "24," which increased in ratings by 16% by running uninterrupted (and letting the villainous Habib Marwan escape again and again and again! Like morons!) will debut its fifth season, once again posing the question, can anyone in this government besides Jack Bauer do anything?

Liguori, whose official upfront presentation to advertisers will come later today, made it short and sweet, covering his new shows (see programming chart) quickly. There was frisson of excitement among the craven, underpaid press corps — Fight! Fight! — when someone mentioned that CBS Chairman Leslie Moonves, master of the "mine's-bigger-than-yours" dis, had made a crack about how even his "Yes, Dear" had more viewers than "Arrested Development."

Moonves on Wednesday had thanked Liguori for renewing a show that no one watches.

But Liguori just deadpanned, "I aim to please Les."

— Shawn Hubler, with dispatches from Maria Elena Fernandez in New York.



The Upfronts, Day 4: The Final, Piteous Cry for Ad Dollars

May 19, 1:30 a.m. EDT

The last two of the Big Six broadcast networks make their case to the ad-buying community today. UPN (best known, perhaps, as the home of "America's Top Model") goes first, presumably with claims that will give the rival WB a run for its money.

Then, the grand finale: Fox.

The hoopla tends to imply that unprecedented amounts of money will change hands when all this is over. In fact, advertisers aren't expected to commit much more to the networks than the $9 billion and pocket change they promised last year.

Cable and the Internet have inexorably chipped away at mainstream television's appeal to advertisers. So has Spanish language TV. So has TiVo. The banter this week has been all "CSI" vs. "Medium" and "Law & Order: Criminal Intent" vs. "Desperate Housewives," but the elephant in the room has been network shows vs. "Nip/Tuck" and "Entourage" and "Project Runway" and "Showdog Moms & Dads." Or all of the above, with the commercials zapped out.

The truth is, behind all the corporate trash talk and glitzy show tunes and self-congratulatory statistics, the networks are locked in a cutthroat battle for a shrinking audience.

But we're sounding like Debbie the Downer. And that's a Saturday Night Live reference! From a network! And from the standpoint of a couch tater — or more accurately, a youthful couch tater - the news today is expected to be good.

Fox is expected to introduce at least a half-dozen new shows aimed at — yes — further seducing that beloved 18-to-49-year-old demographic, which is already drawn, like moths to a porch light, to its "American Idol", "House", "The O.C." and "24."

There are reportedly new shows about young adults who are rebellious attorneys ("Head Cases"), young adults who are crime-solving scientists ("Bones"), young adults who are back in the ole' hometown ("Freebirds"), young adults working their first jobs ("The Loop"), and dysfunctional baby boomer families ("The War at Home").

Fox's goal is to beat back CBS' come-from-behind grab at their demographic.

UPN, meanwhile, wants to best WB for the really young adolescents. Early buzz is centering on "Everybody Hates Chris," a comedy inspired by comedian Chris Rock's childhood in Brooklyn, and a dramedy with Denise Richards about twentysomethings in Silver Lake.

— Shawn Hubler with contributions from Scott Collins in Los Angeles.



Party Watch: You're-Only-As-Old-As-You-Feel Edition

May 18, 9:10 p.m. EDT

The CBS party at the Village Green in lush Central Park was like some flashback to the '80s - the guy who played Doogie Howser posing with fawning admirers. The Fonz.

Or maybe it was the '90s. Because, look! There was Dharma!

Whatever, the feeling wasn't that we were now getting down with the new young-skewing CBS. It was more like we were killing a cocktail hour with the network of the formerly young.

But, frankly, here on Day 3 of this nonstop spin-fest, in the wrong time zone, with jet lag, we were feeling a little formerly young, too. Not to whine, but it's a good 10 blocks and one long avenue between Carnegie Hall, the site of CBS' earlier upfront extravaganza — which began with a bunch of Jeff Zucker jokes and ended with Aretha Franklin (who, by the way, was making hit records during the Johnson administration) — and Tavern on the Green, the site of the CBS party.

Sure, there were buses on hand to ferry the partygoers, but who wants to sit in rush hour traffic on a balmy spring evening in Manhattan?

And so we were lured into . . .

The upfront walk

Yes, there we were, trapped in a herd of hundreds upon hundreds of black-suited, stiletto-heel-clad, mostly twenty- and thirtysomething ad types, wending their way through the streets of Manhattan and the walkways of Central Park.

They were the embodiments of youthful multi-tasking, these foot soldiers of media age capitalism, a cell phone-talking, lip gloss-applying, BlackBerrying horde. Cyclists screeched to a halt. Couples in horse-drawn carriages gaped. The column marched on, seemingly unending. And then when everyone got to the party, and past the scent of Central Park carriage horse manure, and finally had their mitts around their free pina coladas, what?

Some "Survivor" people? The aforementioned Neil Patrick Harris and Henry Winkler and Jenna Elfman to pose for pictures?

CBS Chairman and Viacom Co-President Les Moonves and his immaculate new wife and his immaculate new wife's diamond were all doing their best to dazzle, but it felt - well, you know that Hillary Duff song, "So Yesterday"?

No?

See, this is our point exactly.

Is being middle-aged really so wrong?

— Shawn Hubler, with dispatches from Matea Gold and Amy Wallace



May 18, 4:35 p.m. EDT

CBS goes upfront: Ooooh. Dis! CBS is at Carnegie Hall, just wrapping up its official presentation with a rousing round of "Respect" from Aretha Franklin, who isn't having much success with this weary audience of ad buyers, who are mostly white guys in suits.

CBS seems, we don't know, a little too interested in this respect thing. Moments into the presentation, Viacom Co-President Les Moonves was already doing what he does best. Namely, whipping out his Bruckheimers and showing everybody what wussy boys he has for competition.

Like, in the show's first segment, the cast of "Avenue Q" came out with cute puppets depicting Jeff Zucker, Bob Iger and Rupert Murdoch (respective heads of NBC, ABC's parent Walt Disney Co. and Fox), and had them sing a song that went, "It sucks to be me . . ."

"Once we had Seinfeld and Must-See TV/But now our Thursday is a pile of debris/ . . .," the Zucker puppet sang sadly. After which a Moonves puppet warbled: "It's great to be me!"

And then there was this bit where Moonves is digitally inserted into clips from "Million Dollar Baby," and he hit a bag with Zucker's face on it. "That's what I call a Zucker punch," he smirked.

Trendwatch: Patterns are starting to emerge, here on Day 3 of the upfronts. (And not just because we've spent the past 72 hours being hypnotized by TV pitchmen with huge electronic screens.)

Kid stuff: Nobody wants you if you're over 50. Not even CBS. Well, OK, they still have a soft spot for you. (See? There's a half-hour sitcom with Stockard Channing and Henry Winkler, right there, at the tail end of Monday night.) But it's a really, really little soft spot. And it's almost gone.

Advertisers want young people, presumably because they're less set in their ways. It's all about that 18-to-49-year-old demographic. So even at the network that once was the grayest, it's in with Jennifer Love Hewitt and out with Jason Alexander, who, as any geezer remembers, once played George on "Seinfeld."

Monsters. Hey, kids love 'em. "Lost" is gonna be cloned within an inch of its life next year. ABC's new "Invasion" is featuring aliens. NBC's new "Fathom" has sea monsters. CBS' new "Threshold" has a UFO in the mid-Atlantic — hey! alien sea monsters. And WB's "Supernatural" has dead hitchhikers. (But they're young!)

Bruckheimer! Hey, kids love him, too. They love him so much, we're giving him his own exclamation point. We're just going to give in and name our big screen "Jerry."

"What's on Jerry tonight?" our kids will say. And the answer will always be reassuring: "The Amazing Race," cops and explosions. The guy at this point has 10 shows on the air next year (six of them on CBS). Not even Aaron Spelling had that many in one season. How many pensive, nonverbal anti-heroes can one nation support?

Español: Univision unleashed its own impressive display of firepower this morning. The massive L.A.-based Spanish-language network made its upfront presentation today, too.

At Lincoln Center, with Broadway-style show tunes. Big production numbers, with big panels of the New York skyline that fell away to reveal big, neon signs that said UNIVISION. There were cigars for all the male ad buyers. And a long-stemmed rose for every woman. With every single thorn removed.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is a little thing we like to call entertainment. But the numbers were no song and dance.

It's one thing to know that the youth demographic is increasingly a Latino demographic in this country. But did you know that Univision is now the fifth-largest network in any language? And that 56 times last season, they ranked fourth among all networks among that most coveted audience, 18- to 34-year-old primetime viewers?

And that 43 times last season, they ranked third in that group? And that 26 times last season, they ranked second?

And that 21 times, they ranked first?

— Shawn Hubler with dispatches from Matea Gold, Maria Elena Fernandez and Meg James in New York.



So long, "60 Minutes Wednesday." And "Joan." And "Amy." And Jason, too.

May 18, 10 a.m. EDT



CBS is canceling the newsmagazine that generated so much controversy, but the reason is not what you think, says the network: It's on a mission to young-up its audience, and so is canceling four out of five of its oldest-skewing shows.

Gone are "Joan of Arcadia," "Judging Amy," the Jason Alexander sitcom "Listen Up" and Wednesday's edition of "60 Minutes." Yes, the one that spawned "Rathergate." And one of the venues that was supposed to be Dan Rather's post-anchorman home.

CBS Chairman and Viacom Co-President Leslie Moonves said this morning that the show's cancellation wasn't linked to the controversy over its infamous Sept. 8 segment on President Bush's Air National Guard service.

Moonves said Rather would continue to work for "60 Minutes" on Sundays.

"Unfortunately, '60 Minutes Wednesday' was down in every single category," Moonves told reporters gathered in a studio on the 19th floor of CBS headquarters. No matter that Rather just won a prestigious Peabody Award for CBS' Abu Ghraib prison story, which aired on the same newsmagazine last year.

People weren't watching.

Moonves said the newsmagazine was down 14% "across the board in every single demo."

"It was the oldest skewing show on the schedule," Moonves added. "This was a ratings call, not a content call."

— Shawn Hubler, with a dispatch from Matea Gold in New York.



The Upfronts Day 3: Attack of the Recovering Geezers

May 18, 2 a.m. EDT

It's CBS' turn today. Their mission: to show the advertisers they're good for more than erectile dysfunction commercials. Also, that there's more going on there than "CSI." And shows for guys.

To that end, CBS Chairman and Viacom Co-President Leslie Moonves meets bright and early today for breakfast with reporters. Then, in the afternoon, comes the network's official presentation.

Early word is eight new series are on deck, some to replace old-folk shows such as "JAG" and the dear, departed "Everybody Loves Raymond," some to make them look younger than ABC. ()

Early buzz: "Joan of Arcadia" and/or "Judging Amy" are said to be in potential trouble. Lots of people still watch them, and kids' parents keep telling them they should tune in to that nice Joan girl who's so religious, but it appears that some constituencies think CBS could do better. (Meaning "young adults," the ones advertisers like so much.) So they're up against new blood. Female blood. There's "Ghost Whisperer," a new Jennifer Love-Hewitt vehicle about a young newlywed who talks to dead people, and "Everything I Know About Men," with Jenna Elfman in a knockoff of a BBC comedy about a young, female singleton.

Trendwatch: Also, because this is shaping up to be the Year of the Monster, there's "Threshold," a show with aliens (which equals ABC's new "Invasion," which equals NBC's "Fathom," which equals ABC's current runaway hit "Lost.").

Which isn't to say CBS is neglecting its franchise. The various "CSIs" (brief moment of silence in honor of, yes, again, Jerry Bruckheimer) will still be there this year.

And what's this? Another Bruckheimer! (Brief genuflection.) Actually "American Crime," a police procedural, is only co-produced by the guy who, so far, has announced new shows this week on just about every network but Telemundo.

Also presenting today: Univision, this morning at Lincoln Center.

Which reminds us of Sí TV: The little Los Angeles-based bilingual cable channel that is pretty much the hottest thing in Latin TV right now had its upfront Tuesday.

Polls show that two out of three young viewers would make life miserable for their cable companies if their Sí TV were taken away.

And you gotta admit -- some of these new shows would be enough to make you want to brush up on your Spanish if Sí TV didn't broadcast mostly in English. Here's an excerpt from their press release Tuesday detailing their new-show roster:"L:-)L, Laugh Out Loud," a 30-minute sketch comedy show featuring "The Big Fat Giant Gigante Show," a spoof on Univision's "Sabado Gigante."

"SLAM," the first television competition to expose a new world of talented performers who will compete in freestyle rapping, dancing, spoken word, street art, and head-to-head comedy.

"Urban Jungle 2: Straight Into Compton," which in its second season raises the stakes by transplanting 12 privileged suburbanites, cramming them into a house to experience life as an immigrant in Compton.

— Shawn Hubler, with dispatches from Maria Elena Fernandez in New York and Scott Collins in Los Angeles.



Day 2

May 17, 9:55 p.m. EDT

Partywatch: The Sequel. ABC had big screens at its party Tuesday night pointing advertisers to their obligatory celebrity photo ops. Yet tragically, in the din of the crowd, under the big tent against the band shell at Lincoln Center, amid the lavish sushi and shrimp banquet, Chris Harrison, the host of "The Bachelor," lingered in solitude.

The "Desperate Housewives" weren't lonely though. The crowd around them was 10-deep, advertisers viciously body-checking each other to get near them. (Possibly because this was as close as it gets to getting a piece of this action for free.)

Speaking of hardworkin' wimmen, the advertisers also seemed to like the great, dimpled Geena Davis, who plays the U.S. president/harried-working-mom-just-like-you-and-me in ABC's new "Commander-in-Chief."

Her character starts out as the U.S. vice president, but then has to assume the presidency after the current officeholder has a stroke.

"I think it has the buzz," observed Jordan Breslaw, who does research for Mediacom, waiting patiently in line to get his picture taken with the stately redhead.

"It's probably one of the better dramas, and it's something that you haven't seen before. It's good to see a different perspective in the Oval Office."

Geena Davis wholeheartedly agreed.

"Obviously, when it happens, it's going to be a big deal," she said in an interview at the party. Davis said that even after filming the pilot, she was moved when she watched the scene when her character walks into the Oval Office for the first time.

"It struck me again how historic it is," she said. "Some woman, some day, will walk into that room for the first time."

Davis allowed that her show could have something to do with making that happen: "I think when you see a female president in your living room every week, it's going to make people think, 'Oh, I can picture that.' "

So who does she predict will be the beneficiary of this attitudinal change? Davis wouldn't say whether she is pulling for New York Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton. (Although she did add that director Rod Lurie said he plans to take credit if Clinton wins in 2008.)

Meanwhile, back in the young, single demographic: a couple of twentysomething media buyers were freely gloating. They'd snagged Polaroids of themselves with the casts of "Grey's Anatomy" and "Desperate Housewives."

That was a coup, by the way.

Unlike the "Lost" cast — which not only posed tirelessly but kept tapping their feet to the relentless replaying of the Jackson Five's "ABC" in the background — the gals of Wisteria Lane fled after 90 minutes, leaving a velvet rope dangling around six empty white stools.

"Teri [Hatcher] was so nice and excited, but the redhead wasn't that friendly," 22-year-old Amanda Safer groused about Marcia Cross.

Safer's biggest score, though, was -- duh! -- "Jake In Progress'" John Stamos, who also mustered a pearly white grin for fan after fan, though he was sweating and one hand kept wearily running itself through his thick mane of hair.

"I told him I liked Jake, but I said Uncle Jesse rules," she said, referring to the actor's character on "Full House," the '80s comedy that apparently spoke to a generation. (Though whether the rest of us approve of what it said, we may never be certain.)

"He looked a little sad," Safer said guiltily.

No, Amanda, that's what the rest of us refer to as "a little old."

Hit alert: A lot of unsolicited buzz also was gathering around "Beauty and the Geek."

That's the WB reality game show about really smart, lame-o guys paired up with women who look like Barbie, from Ashton Kutcher and his "Punk'd" cronies. The idea is, boy-girl teams compete for a big cash prize. They prepare each other, then take tests. Girls get asked such brain-busting questions as "IA is the abbreviation for what state?" The guys have to, um, pick up women and dance.

Yes, it sounds like a Silicon Valley bar in the dot-com years to us, too. But, anyway ...

"When we went back to the office, everybody was talking about it," said 21-year-old media buyer Marissa Paulson. "It was really heartfelt. In a dorky way."

At the WB party, it was, well, early. The thing didn't get started until 9 p.m., but that's, like, suppertime if you're a denizen of the WB.

It was at the W Hotel, where, despite a flood of "glow-tinis" -- some sort of green drink made with vodka, tequila, ginger ale and ginseng -- things were just beginning to get shakin'. Melanie Griffith of the new sitcom "Twins" and her husband (no, not Don Johnson! Antonio Banderas!) were there, early, holding hands, dressed in black and sneaking a cigarette.

Also an early bird was Stephen Collins, the reverend dad from "7th Heaven," which has now been on TV for 10 years, longer than "The Waltons." (Touché, John Boy).

Also Ashton Kutcher, sans Demi Moore, in a corner with his ball cap pulled low. And one of the "geeks" from the "Beauty and the Geek," surrounded by four women.

Other stars at the ABC party: James Spader and William Shatner, side by side in a shoulder clasp, checking out the ladies . . . Donald Sutherland, who has a key role in "Commander-in-Chief . . . Walt Disney Co.'s Bob Iger, who ascends to the CEO job this fall, looking tired but happy . . . The cast of "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition" being mobbed . . . Tabloid-hounded actor Andy Dick of "Less Than Perfect" . . . Television work-horse Courtney Thorne-Smith, once of "Melrose Place," now of "According to Jim" . . . Jim Belushi, of the aforementioned star vehicle . . . A cardboard cutout of George Lopez, with which ad buyers were actually posing -- a publicist said the real star of "The George Lopez Show" was indisposed after a kidney transplant.

And maybe a star-to-be: One of the actresses on the new real estate comedy, "Hot Properties," Audra Blaser, 24, beamed on a bar bench. This despite the fact that she could have been a caterer, that's how unknown she is.

The recent Carnegie Mellon grad said she found out Friday night that the network picked up her pilot.

"This is my dream, being on a sitcom," said the blond, clad in a white sundress and flanked by her equally jubilant agent and manager.

Then, lest she be typecast (and because she's obviously a fast learner): "But I love all mediums."

— Shawn Hubler, with dispatches from Matea Gold, Maria Elena Fernandez, Meg James and Amy Wallace in New York.

---

May 17, 5:55 p.m. EDT

ABC dances the merry jig of self-congratulation: But only a little. Like, a little shuffling of the feet. For to nakedly rub in the mind-blowing greatness of the year they've had would not be the way of ABC's president of primetime entertainment.

It would be the way of pretty much every other television executive on the planet. But not this guy. When Jimmy Kimmel pans the audience at the ABC presentation with his Kimmel Cam and announces, "Please take your seats and prepare for the comedy of Steve McPherson," it's a joke.

And indeed, McPherson refuses to call it a comeback. "Comeback in progress," is about as far as he'll go.

Still. When the "Desperate Housewives" glide out in white, silver and gold gowns and furs, escorted by guys in tuxes, the advertisers leap to their feet. Not even Jerry Bruckheimer, who rose on the third day to appear at the WB presentation, got this kind of a reception. What else can this be but contagious emotion? The 30-second spots most of them failed to lock in last year for $125,000 now sell for $350,000 apiece.

Orale! A miniseries based on that long, long song about the guy who gets shot by a hooker! Telemundo was up today, too, with some interesting developments on the drama-but-not-a-telenovela front.

Telemundo and Univision have been dabbling for the past couple of seasons in original dramatic programming that goes beyond your Tía Carmen soap opera. Now Telemundo has something called "The Drama Series," a new 13-episode format to deliver "gripping stories of love, conflict and resolution."

On deck will be "Envios" ("Dispatches") about immigrants in the U.S. supporting families back in the old country, and "Loteria," which, according to their press release "takes a look at what happens to people who become millionaires overnight by simply winning the lotto." (We know what happens — they yell "My Name Is Earl" and go get their own new comedy series on Telemundo's sister network NBC, where they can be watched by rich folks.)

Also interesting, if you speak Spanish, is a new miniseries, "Pedro Navaja," based on the 1970s salsa masterpiece by singer/actor Ruben Blades. Telemundo is calling it "a story of love, betrayal, murder and a very special family loyalty." We remember it being a more danceable version of "Mack The Knife."

The Curse of "Just Shoot Me:" Both female stars of the old David Spade sitcom were trumpeted as headliners in new shows this season, and both have had to be recast. After the press release!

Wendie Malick was supposed to have been the worldly-wise life coach trying to teach three knucklehead guys how to score in the WB's new "Modern Men," the midseason Jerry Bruckheimer comedy (hard to see those words side by side, isn't it? Bruckheimer? Comedy?). Laura San Giacomo was supposed to have been the nurturing-mother-hen-legal-aid-lawyer-oldest-sister in WB's new ensemble comedy, "Related."

But then ABC decided not to cancel "Jake in Progress," where Malick is already playing the worldly-wise boss of knucklehead guy John Stamos. And then WB Entertainment President David Janollari says San Giacomo's character is being recast, too, because — well he doesn't quite say why.

"There were a number of creative reasons we've opted to go another way," he deadpanned when asked about it by reporters. After which he waited a beat and added, "How's that for vague?"

One advertiser on WB's presentation: "I loved Ashton Kutcher's show, "Beauty and the Geek", confides Debbie Sherry, an executive with Reckitt Benckiser, the maker, among other products, of Lysol and Woolite.

Sherry said the show reminded her a little of ABC's hit "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition" in the way it tugged on her heartstrings. Her prediction: People will want "to put it on and cry."

And then wash and deodorize their handkerchiefs.

— Shawn Hubler, with dispatches from Meg James, Maria Elena Fernandez, Matea Gold and Amy Wallace in New York.

---

May 17, 1:30 p.m. EDT

Bruckheimer Alert! Incoming! The WB gets his new legal drama at 9 p.m. Mondays.

Starring Don Johnson (who else?) and young Jay Baruchel, who was in "Million Dollar Baby." Plus: More Bruckheimer to come! "Modern Men", his first comedy, is slated for midseason. Wendie Malick is in the pilot but apparently, due to ABC's renewal of "Jake in Progress", in which she plays Jake's boss, Malick won't stay. WB Entertainment President David Janollari said he thought he was safe casting her because of "Jake's" low ratings.

Bruckheimer (or "God" as the networks like to call him) was at Madison Square Garden for the WB's presentation this morning.

Many we-are-not-worthy ministrations.

Much worshipful applause.

More WBulletins: "Jack and Bobby" cancelled. But its executive vice president of sales is pretty sure that "05-06 is going to be the year of WB."

We're pretty sure it is, too, if by "05-06" you mean your kid's school year. Execs at the "Be Young" network said their strategy this year would be to approach their key 12-to-34-year-old demographic from a slightly more adult direction. If by adult you mean Melanie Griffith and Don Johnson.

Here was the opening pitch:

Video of nubile young stars kissing.

Video of nubile young stars flirting.

Video of nubile young stars draping themselves over each other in sultry poses.

Ashton Kutcher.

"Blah blah blah," said Kutcher. This was while he was ambling onto the stage with "Punk'd" co-creator Josh Goldberg to interrupt Janollari's speech.

Kutcher and Goldberg are producing a new WB reality show airing next month, "Beauty and the Geek."

"People are falling asleep and you're still on hello," Kutcher told the network exec. Then he took the lectern to tell the advertisers the key points of his new show.

"There's hot chicks...and it's funny, too."

We turned around, and they were gone: The highly acclaimed, critically loved but (see "Arrested Development") unfortunately under-watched "Jack and Bobby" is outta there.

"It was a really, really hard decision," said Janollari. "We agonized over it 'til the last possible minute. Personally I love the show. At the end of the day, we could not find enough spark of audience traction for it being on one of our important time slots."

Other WB highlights

"Twins", a new comedy from the creators of "Will & Grace" will star Sara Gillbert and Molly Stanton as twins, except one's a dumb blonde and one is a brainiac who looks like she came from "Roseanne" (because that's where she came from). With jokes about butt-puckering. Plus Melanie Griffith is their bombshell airhead mom, Fridays at 8:30 p.m.

"One Tree Hill" was the fastest growing show this season and they're using it this year at 8 p.m. on Wednesdays to launch "Related," a promising new dramedy/chick show about four sisters who are "a bundle of contradictions."

The show was created by Marta Kaufman of "Friends" and the writer from "Sex & the City" who co-wrote the bestselling "He's Just Not That Into You."

"Blue Collar TV," with Jeff Foxworthy will continue to brazenly bid for the half-dozen or so Americans who won't be riveted to "Desperate Housewives" on Sundays at 9 p.m. Janollari's best argument for changing channels: "These are three guys you will never find on Wisteria Lane."

And now that you mention it: Did we say ABC would be hawking like a late-night TV car dealer? God love Stephen McPherson, ABC's head of primetime entertainment, but Cal Worthington he ain't.

"'Invasion' is spectacular," McPherson quietly droned this morning to the press at a steak house in Manhattan. Yes, it was early. Yes, he'd been up late tweaking the schedule. Yes, he's a matter-of-fact type.

But what the hey! This guy has "Desperate Housewives"! And "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition"! And we can't be around TV people for more than five minutes before we start talking like this! What kind of zenmaster Yoda fiend can have that job and still keep sounding like a monotonal waiter rattling off the daily specials?!

"'Crumbs' really will be a great piece of business for us midseason," he sort of sighed.

— Shawn Hubler, with dispatches from Matea Gold and Maria Elena Fernandez in New York.

---

May 17, 9:35 a.m. EDT

It's ABC's turn to hawk like a new-car dealer. Actually, make that a new Prius dealer — if you didn't know Priuses would be hot this year.

If NBC's presentation Monday was about spinning a bummer (fourth place is still better than 100th place, we're still No. 1 with the rich people, we're as shocked as the next guy that "Father of the Pride" didn't catch on, "Joey" who?), ABC's will be boosting a bandwagon.

This one goes out to the unbelievers who didn't buy "Lost" and "Desperate Housewives" and "Grey's Anatomy" when they were cheap and nobody knew they'd evolve into ratings bonanzas. ABC execs were expected to announce a dozen new shows for the 2005-06 prime time schedule at their press conference this morning. (The message to advertisers: Don't tell us you're gonna miss out twice.)

Early word on the fall lineup

Out: "Complete Savages," "8 Simple Rules," "My Wife & Kids," "Blind Justice," the show with the mildly irritating blind detective that, frankly, had its work cut out for it trying to replace "NYPD Blue."

Reupped (besides the obvious hits): "Wife Swap," "Supernanny," "Jake in Progress," "George Lopez," "Hope & Faith," "Rodney," "Less Than Perfect," "The Bachelor."

New: "Commander-in-Chief," with Geena Davis as the first female POTUS; "Freddie," a comedy with Freddie Prinze Jr.; "Invasion," about spooky stuff in Florida after a hurricane; "The Night Stalker," a remake of the '70s cult hit about spooky stuff in general; "Hot Properties," a comedy about four real estate agents. Also, in midseason, a bunch of new shows, including "Emily's Reasons Why Not," with the babelicious Heather Graham. Note to fans of "Jake in Progress": Julie Bowen is joining "Boston Legal" (Tuesdays at 10, a new night), which means her character won't find love with the Jakester after all.

Also on tap for today: WB's presentation at Madison Square Garden. Their pickups are said to include "Bedford Diaries," "Just Legal," "Pepper Dennis," "Related," "Supernatural" and "Good Eggs," plus renewal of the Reba McEntire comedy for a two-year deal.

And Telemundo makes its presentation, too.

Party watch: ABC party at Lincoln Center. Telemundo party at Frederick P. Rose Hall, Allen Room. Alliance party, Marquee.

— Shawn Hubler, with dispatches from Maria Elena Fernandez in New York.

---

Let the Schmoozing Begin

May 16, 9:40 p.m. EDT

With the first upfront presentation finally over, only two words are left to describe today's pitch-fest: Party time!

Hundreds filled the sunken plaza at Rockefeller Center for the NBC fiesta Monday night, milling about under colorful Chinese lanterns and munching on spring rolls, mini-cheeseburgers and crab cakes. Tourists with cameras and video cameras peered over the shrubs surrounding the plaza, rubbernecking for stars.

Down below, though, there was limited wattage, despite the handy maps of the plaza handed out by NBC employees with color-coded "star stations" marked. No Matt LeBlanc, as far as we could tell. No one recognizable from "Law & Order," other than Dick Wolf, who didn't look as peeved at the cancellation of "Law & Order: Trial By Jury" as he was said to be.

Crowds formed around Benjamin Bratt, one of the stars of "E-Ring," NBC's new Jerry Bruckheimer series. Also getting attention were cast members of "The Office" and the new shows about, respectively, a former fatty and an infertility clinic, "Thick and Thin" and "Inconceivable."

Dutiful gripping-and-grinning ensued, in front of glittery red curtains. (But don't mistake the crush here for a sign of how well a celebrity's show will do; at last year's NBC party, LAX's Heather Locklear was mobbed.)

The William Morris Agency party was more a corporate star thing. CBS' Les Moonves was there with his new wife, their room-working skills honed to a sheen. NBC's Jeff Zucker was there, looking understandably spent, in a chair, doing minimal schmoozing.

Universal Pictures' Ron Meyer was there. So was Dominick Dunne, strangely. And Macaulay Culkin. And Tony Danza. Why, we aren't sure. But he looked tanned.

Cocktail chatter. "He's the sexiest man I've ever kissed. He had a very close shave this morning. He was very receptive to my advances. I thought he would put up more of a struggle." — "The Office" star Steve Carell to The Times' Meg James about the wet one he planted, as a spoof during the NBC presentation on NBC Chairman and GE Vice-Chairman Bob Wright.

More cocktail chatter. "That was quite a kiss." Bob Wright, a little embarrassed, yet apparently fulfilled.

— Shawn Hubler, with dispatches from Meg James, Amy Wallace and Matea Gold in New York.

---

4th Means Always Having to Say You're Sorry

May 16, 6:30 p.m. EDT

Perhaps never in the history of television has one network been so thoroughly "sorry." First, NBC President Jeff Zucker stood before the press and didn't even try to mince words about his network's fall from first to fourth place, announcing, among other things, that "we stunk up the joint" on Tuesday nights. Then he went onstage, under a big screen, at Radio City Music Hall for another mea culpa, this one to so many ad buyers, advertisers and reporters that the line to get in stretched for three sides of a city block.

"We totally get it," Zucker told the assemblage, a small, contrite variation on the small, bullish maestro who stood on the same stage last year, promising another year of must-see TV. (Instead, it was the year of shine-it-on TV, as one new show after another tanked and their big "Friends" spinoff, "Joey," forced NBC execs into what they termed "full spin mode all year long.")

"In prime time this year, we did not have the season we wanted to have, or that we said we would," Zucker apologized.

But wait! There was more!

"Sorry" wasn't good enough. There had to be jeering, too. Because jeering says, "We're sports," and saying that incites pity. Or presumably, that was the hope.

"Fourth place? #$#@#! Do I have to give back the Porsche?" joked "Will & Grace" star Debra Messing, addressing the audience with a cable word.

The "Weekend Update" team from "Saturday Night Live" spoof-reported that NBC was going high-def, and the image quality is so good that "last week you could actually see the panic on Matt LeBlanc's face."

Then a video lampoon of the year had NBC Entertainment President Kevin Reilly screaming, "The horror! The horror!" as characters from last year's tanked "Father of the Pride," "Aloha" and "LAX" floated around him.

Still later, Steve Carell, star of "The Office," — which is popular, but, sigh, lets face it, not the BBC's "Office" — ran into the theater and clambered through the audience to plant a kiss on GE Chairman Bob Wright at the news that his show had been renewed.

But with sin comes redemption. In a big finale, Jamie Foxx, in celebration of the fact that NBC will have this year's Winter Olympics, took the stage to belt out "America the Beautiful." In shades.

Foxx will have an NBC special this year and won an Oscar for "Ray," which was produced by the film arm of NBC Universal. That said, would someone give the poor man someone other than Ray Charles to play?

Down but not out. The fightin' peacock has unveiled a cunning strategy of "bold, original concepts." Translation: Brazenly copy anything that worked for us last year, then rip off what worked for the other guys.

So: more "Apprentice," more hospital drama, more miniseries about disasters, plus some of that Bruckheimer stuff CBS has been ladling, a little edgy comedy for the hipster demographic, and some three-hanky do-gooding for the red states and the "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition" demographic by Christian radio babe Amy Grant, who'll dispense "Three Wishes" to deserving working-class types.

" 'Three Wishes' literally grabs you by the throat and grabs you by the heart," Reilly promised. Which should have been reassuring, but frankly made us a little nervous about what might get grabbed next.

Frozen banana news flash! Fox's Emmy Award-winning "Arrested Development," the one Orange County show that truly gets Orange County, will stay on the air for another season after all.

Fox Entertainment President Peter Liguori, in a written statement, cited its "amazing cast, creative brilliance, critical acclaim and advertiser appeal" in the decision to pick it up for another full season.

Left unmentioned was the fact that, um, not that many people watch it. The show's following is devoted but small, and one theory was that it was getting a reprieve so that enough episodes could be accumulated to justify future DVD collections and syndication.

Meanwhile, the rest of you had better not squander this last chance, people. Otherwise, no one will be left to save the Bluth family. Except maybe Amy Grant.

By the way, NBC was not so bummed that it couldn't dis the competition. The "Weekend Update" gals, SNL's Tina Fey and Amy Poehler, dutifully let fly on everything from CBS' CSI shows to ABC's "Desperate Housewives."

Fey: "Do you really think they're going to get another season out of this show? The cast is one photo shoot away from self-destructing. 'Cause the super-skinny one is gonna slap the Botox one. And the big tall one is going to turn out to be a dude. And then, the one that's good at acting is going to be like, "I quit!" And then we're back to 'Lois and Clark.' And you're not going to buy ad time on 'Lois and Clark.' What's wrong with you? So just forget about 'Desperate Housewives.' If you want to watch horny, botoxed hags hitting on pool boys watch us on SNL!"

Poehler: "And 'Lost?' You know you can learn a lot watching 'Lost.' For example, it's impossible for a fat girl to survive a plane crash."

Fey: "On CBS they have CSI. Great. How many more things are there left for them to zoom in on? They're not going to have any sitcoms left either. Today marks the final episode of 'Everybody Loves Raymond.' Next season CBS Monday will be anchored by the show, 'Everybody Has Mixed Feelings About Charlie Sheen.'"

And speaking of the other networks: ABC's "Commander-in-Chief," with the dimpled Geena Davis as the first female POTUS, is getting picked up, among other interesting new shows. So has "Emily's Reasons Why Not," a sort of "Sex & the City" comedy with the dimpled Heather Graham.

Picked up on the WB network are the new drama "Supernatural" and the comedy "Good Eggs." The comedy "Reba," starring Reba McEntire, also is back in a two-year deal.

— Shawn Hubler, with dispatches from Maria Elena Fernandez, Matea Gold and Meg James in New York. Scott Collins in Los Angeles also contributed.

---

May 16, 9 a.m. EDT

Apocalypse Now, the Peacock Years

"American Dreams" and "Law & Order: Trial by Jury," are out! "The West Wing" is moved! "Revelations" appears to be ending (preferably not along with the world as we know it)! But NBC is still planning to dish up plenty of Armageddon in its attempt to restore the world order in which the mighty peacock will once again reign.

The pitching — or "storytelling," as the corporate marketing guys keep calling it — has officially begun in full force here at the "upfront" presentations, where broadcast networks will be barking at advertisers like gap-toothed carnies for most of the week.

NBC is going first, and, as , what once felt like a fun, kicky, sort of shock-and-awe thing now feels to the poor, beleaguered peacock like showing the first hand in a game of high-stakes celebrity poker.

Worse, for a moment, it appeared NBC's presentation this morning would be upstaged by a brazen act of PR chutzpah, an ABC press conference -- subsequently canceled -- that conveniently conflicted, ever so slightly, with NBC's dog-and-pony show.

TiVo alert! Looks like NBC will, indeed, be messing with your Wednesday. It's moving "The West Wing" to 8 p.m. Sunday. (Whew! Not Tuesdays as was rumored, opposite "House.")

The reason? "E-Ring", a new series with a name that, frankly, sounds like a medical device of some sort, but it's actually got guys in uniform and it's from Jerry Bruckheimer, the action series juggernaut who looked as if he was going to put a CSI in every municipality, village green and water district last year.

Bruckheimers now are like Eames chairs -- everybody who's anybody has to have at least one -- and NBC's is said to be a drama about the Pentagon starring Benjamin Bratt and Dennis Hopper. (Yes, Dennis Hopper in a Pentagon drama. Disturbing. Why didn't they just call it "Freak Out the Geezers"? But NBC hasn't been getting as much love from that 18 to 49 demographic, and to them, he's not just the Sixties guy from "Easy Rider." He's the lovable psycho-killer from "Speed." On a show about the military industrial complex! Kewl. )

Also on Wednesdays: "The Apprentice: Martha Stewart" will lead off the night at 8. But don't get any ideas about Martha being the new Donald. The original will still be out there on Thursdays at 9 p.m.

Other new "concepts" for your viewing pleasure this fall include:

"Inconceivable," another hospital drama, this one set for Fridays at 10 p.m. in a fertility clinic.

"Four Kings" from the people who made "Will & Grace"; "Thick and Thin" starring Jessica Capshaw as a plus-size gal gone skinny.

"Three Wishes," a reality series hosted by Christian pop star and red state goddess Amy Grant.

"Fathom," an action adventure for all you surfers out there, about "a mysterious new form of sea life that begins to appear in oceans all over the Earth."

"My Name Is Earl," a comedy involving "a young man who has taken one too many wrong turns on the highway of life but is now determined to make amends," and doesn't that just about say it all? (It's Tuesdays at 9 p.m.)

Notable re-ups: "Medium," "The Biggest Loser," "The Office," "Law & Order," "Las Vegas," "Law & Order: Criminal Intent," which was rumored earlier to be headed for an early demise.

Plus, "Joey" lives. But the "Friends" spinoff is moving too -- hey! it's the old "Friends" time slot, at 8 on Thursday nights.

Meanwhile in the miniseries category: NBC is dishing up "The 9/11 Project," a remake of "The Poseidon Adventure," and "10.5: The Apocalypse," a sequel to last year's big earthquake drama, along with a "Behind the Camera: The Unauthorized Story of Diff'rent Strokes."

You want disaster, people? NBC knows from disaster. Step right up! Get your terrorists, your tsunamis, your retrospectives of Gary Coleman's career . . .

---

Avert your eyes — if you must

May 15, 6:42 p.m. EDT

Can you feel the excitement? Can you? No? You mean you aren't aware that it's upfront time again in the world of network TV?

Oh, you don't do network TV. You're too good for network TV. You don't even want people to think you watch network TV. You'd rather they imagine you sitting pensively in a corner, scrolling up and down the cable guide, approaching the age of King Tut while you wait for the next season of "The Sopranos."

Then you may want to avert your eyes from the hard selling, backbiting, gossip spreading, celebrity wrangling, naked acts of spin-meistering, reality TV wacko hype-cranking, and other cherished traditions that have come to characterize this very special season in the broadcast industry.

For this is when the six networks (plus major Spanish language networks) gather in New York to make their annual sales pitches to advertisers who buy the commercial time that underwrites Middle America's TV zeitgeist.

Still reading? Even after the word "zeitgeist"? Was it the naked acts that got you? Or did we have you at "celebrity"?

While you decide, how about . . .

A fond look back: (Cue wavy image of old calendar with the pages riffling backward.) Because what's left of our mind exploded during the attempted installation of our TiVo, we felt it might be helpful to recap last year's upfront festivities.

Some will say it was the year in which advertisers committed to spending a little more than $9 billion in prime-time programming, upfront (hence the name of this sales ritual), for the fall season. Some will remember it as the dawn of a little something we like to call "Desperate Housewives."

And some are still mulling the moment when NBC - touting its short-lived "Father of the Pride," an animated "adult" comedy about Siegfried & Roy's lions - used a Jumbotron-sized screen at Radio City to air a taped interview with the scarred and partially paralyzed Roy Horn, who had been mauled by one of his big cats and was still recovering.

Great moments in spin: Then there was CBS' Les Moonves implying that "Everybody Loves Raymond" might be around longer than we might think.

"People say sitcoms are dead. Sitcoms are not dead. This sitcom is very much alive. The writers and the cast have agreed to come back for 16 more episodes. And I'm confident we can convince them to do a few more," Moonves said hopefully.

Party memory: Remember how CBS, home of "CSI," rocked "The Who" for its big party at Tavern on the Green? And little UPN let long lines of men get their pictures taken with Tyra Banks?

And Fox had, um, Clay Aiken?Trend memory: And remember how everybody was going to be watching Vegas shows this year? And how "Desperate Housewives" and "Wife Swap" were supposed to have been sort of about the same thing?

Dirty trick memory: How about the network that, rumor had it, tried to fake out the competition last year by scribbling bogus fall schedules on cocktail napkins that "just happened" to be left lying around?

Good times, good times. On tap for Sunday night: United Talent Agency and Amazon.com party at Marquee. Your correspondents will be there, but only on condition that they keep their big traps shut. Can it be done?

Major, important, earth-shattering issues to watch out for Monday: Whither the once-mighty NBC, bereft of "Friends," brought so low this year with little more than The Donald's worn hairpiece to trot out for the ad-buying community? Will the other networks eat the peacock's lunch?

Or will the bird present a stellar lineup that allows it to emerge from the battle for ad dollars with more than mere chicken feed? (Sorry. Reprehensible poultry pun.)Major, important, earth-shattering issues to watch out for later in the week: Is it true that NBC plans to move "West Wing" to Tuesday night from Wednesday? And if so, will we have to choose between it and "House"?

How many "Desperate Housewives" will be unleashed for the ABC party? Will Fox fight back with an even bigger team of young hottties from "The O.C."?

And will its critically acclaimed but tragically under-watched "Arrested Development" be re-upped? Or will it continue to linger in a near-vegetative state?

And what about those new fall shows? (Not, of course, that you'll be watching.)

These and other crucial matters will, we promise, get a thorough going-over, along with celebrity sightings and brazen attempts at upstaging by highly paid executives with impressive job titles next to their names.

Plus, the networks' carefully crafted presentations will be snap-reviewed by Times television critic Paul Brownfield.

Stay tuned. (Sorry. Reprehensible TV pun.)